Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
