I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
