and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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