nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
