I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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