i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
