Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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