I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
