i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
