life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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