; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i already hear my dad disowning me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
