Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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