Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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