Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
organizing the empties. That sober.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
