you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
