so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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