The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We talked him into tasing himself.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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