I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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