I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
