I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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