Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
