(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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