no, he came in my armpit
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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