Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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