Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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