I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
