There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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