so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
