Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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