You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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