i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
