u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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