I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
