There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize