Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize