whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
