I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
