If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
