is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize