Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
