his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
