i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize