1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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