i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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