So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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