maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
