That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
