So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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