Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
