I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
