I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
