The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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