i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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