There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
