Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
