Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Green mimosas i think yes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
