It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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