There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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