just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize