Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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