I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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