I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
