I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
