i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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