you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This is my gift to your gina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
