I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
