I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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