roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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