this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
