did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
