So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You're like the curious george of whores
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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