what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
