So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
