Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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