Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Alive.
So much puke
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
