i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And then he peed in my hair
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