My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
