He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
