how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
