It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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