How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
