I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
