STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
