I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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