we're blogging at a bar
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
