I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
