I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
