i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
