Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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