it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
