I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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