Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Let's get the cat blown out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
