Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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