do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm at about main and main street
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
