she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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