I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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