you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
