I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
