Apparently you make a good broom.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize