wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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