At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
