I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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